obstinatrix | (no subject)

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Having expended all my 7.17 feels in other people's LJ posts, I am left with only one (completely unrelated) question: why is exhibitionist!Sam not more of a thing?

This is really a rhetorical question, but I felt like typing it out all the same.

eta: Also, fandom has EXPLODED in crossdressed!Sam lately. This seems to be part of a slow equalisation of top!Sam:top!Dean fics in fandom. Sign of the apocalypse?

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It really should be. I mean, Sam has wanted to be noticed his entire life, and the only way he has been in Show is in a bad light (Azazel's attention, the angels he needed so desperately to tell him he wasn't something wrong and evil failed him, he's known as the boy with the demon blood, the starter of the apocalypse, etc, etc), he's lived in Dean's shadow his whole life, been a disappointment to his dad, never got to meet his mom.

I think he could psychologically have exhibitionist kinks. Sam likes to be watched and others like to watch him.

Plus I'm pretty sure he was a stripper to pay for stuff while in Stanford.

Edited 2012-03-25 23:42 (UTC)

See, this is one of the reasons why you are so awesome. I express an unfounded porny request, and you show up and tell me why it is psychologically logical. ♥

YES, though. I completely agree. There was a prompt I wanted to write during Blindfold about Sam having, like, serious exhibitionist tendencies, but I was too embarrassed by a) how extreme it was and b) how sexy I found the whole thing to actually write it. fdgfdfhdfhb dammit. Like, publicdisgrace.com levels of exhibitionism.

I should probably lock this entry. OH WELL.

Oh, I totally think that is completely true, that Sam would be that extreme. Or at least think that extreme. Acting on it might be a little different. Sam is both a Good Boy and a Gentleman, and I also have a feeling he'd be really, really ashamed of it until someone whose opinion mattered to him told him it was okay.

But like, Sam is a person of extremes. He's either saving the world or utterly damning it. There is no happy medium. He jumped into Hell, his first thought before anything else was to do that. And even when he gets angry he gets FURIOUS, and when he gets sad it's all-consuming and suicidal. He not only ran away from hunting, he ran away and made a whole new life where he lied to everyone he met, because who he was could have no hold on who he (thought) he wanted to be. I don't think Jess knew the Sam that Dean does. Vice versa. Sam lives life at one end of the spectrum or the other, and Dean is the foundation that keeps him from flying over the edge (sometimes) on either side.

So I imagine Sam's kinks work the same way. IE Wincest...he's not just kind of attracted to Dean, he's in love with him. He doesn't just want to be blown in the bathroom, he wants to strip down and jerk off in the court yard outside.

And, because I am an angst whore, I think it would really affect him and he'd kind of hate himself for it, because he knows it isn't normal and Sam is, in general, terrified of himself and the things he's capable of anyway.

But, there are healthier, less illegal ways he could get away with it. Fetish clubs or house parties with like-minded people. Of course, that might take away some of the fun for him.

Edited 2012-03-25 23:55 (UTC)

Weeping with how true this is. And I think you're right, too, about 'healthier' ways not necessarily sufficing, because he is so extreme in everything he does. Sam does everything wholeheartedly. This may be me projecting, but there's something about 'oh, he's getting fucked in front of a room full of people who all showed up expecting this' that is kind of 'eh, whatever, it doesn't count.' As opposed to 'no, they're actually doing this in the parking lot/against the window in broad daylight/on a bus', where nobody is expecting it and the threat, and thus the thrill, is real.

With you, as well, on the idea that it would really affect him badly that he's into this. Sam second-guesses himself at the best of times, even while he's adamant that he be allowed to do what he thinks is right for him to do, and anything that compounds his idea of himself as a freak will be yet another thing for him to be concerned about. Especially if this were something he were secretly doing at Stanford (doing porn that wound up on the Internet, as a mild example; doing hardcore exhibitionist porn that wound up on the Internet, as a slightly more extreme option) without the knowledge of the person whose opinion really matters (Dean, obviously).

But Dean would totally be awesome about it. I mean he'd think it was a little weird, I think, but he'd notice how down on himself Sam is about it, and he'd totally say things to make him feel better. Because Dean is the best big brother sex-and-life partner ever. :D

Just some drive-by LOVE for this conversation.

Also, it is totally my head-canon that Sam & Dean make a little extra cash with a webcam when they can't find a good pool game to hustle.

Definitely! Unf, someone please write this. Obviously they'll have to wear masks or paint their faces or something, what with usually being manhunted by someone or other, but that's okay. ;)

Edited 2012-03-26 09:30 (UTC)

SO TRUE!!! :)

The best part is that Dean always feels personally proud when Sam is kinky.

Your brain is the best thing in the world.

It really, really isn't usually. I am so boring outside of the world of Supernatural.

Just butting in to say publicdisgrace.com is right up my alley, pls write this.

I tried, but I was physically blushing too much to continue. Must become more shameless.

Bwahahaha, you have to be shitting me. You write pyroclastic J2 elevator knotting fic sans rougir, but a little steamy-Sammy exhibitionism is too near the knuckle for you?

*fond, exasperated look*

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S LIKE IT GETS ME OFF TOO MUCH. If I wrote it everyone would know the weird inner workings of my kinky soul.

Honey, I am unimpressed by your argument. One of my kink fics is 99% personal experience, with the serial numbers haphazardly filed off and still perfectly legible. It gives me a dirty little thrill every time I think about it, knowing that anyone can read it; wondering if they can see the truth in it, if they know that about me now.

Uh, maybe I'm a tiny touch exhibitionist, myself. Possibly. *snicker*

Prize for guessing which fic I'm talking about.

Yeah, I think it's your exhibitionist side that makes this okay for you. ;) I don't know how I can have a huge kink for other people getting totally humiliated in public, but...eh, I can't begin to explain. I just want to write fic where things happen that would just give 99.9% of the world secondhand embarrassment.

There is this clip of a girl being fucked by a whole load of people in a hardware store, while other random customers stand around, that I have watched a least ten times. That's all I'm saying.

Edited 2012-03-26 23:12 (UTC)

publicdisgrace.com levels of exhibitionism.

WHAT, EXACTLY, MUST I DO TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SHAME. I WANT PORN.

OMG WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP NOTICING THAT I FOOLISHLY LINKED TO THIS WEBSITE IN A MOMENT OF LATE NIGHT SHAMELESSNESS.

IDEC ABOUT THE WEBSITE SPECIFICALLY SO MUCH AS THIS PROMISE OF PORN SO SHAMEFULLY DIRTY YOU CAN'T FINISH IT AND MAKE ME WANT IT EVEN MORE.

(I am now looking at the prompt again, damn you.)

:> :> :> :> SAM LOSING HIMSELF IN HIS KINKS IS LIKE ONE OF MY VERY FAVOURITE THINGS.

Edited 2012-03-26 11:03 (UTC)

I KNOW SBFGJKDBF. okay but you better be willing to tell me whether it is objectively hot or just me being a total fucking weirdo before I embarrass myself by posting it. o.o

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