Weeping with how true this is. And I think you're right, too, about 'healthier' ways not necessarily sufficing, because he is so extreme in everything he does. Sam does everything wholeheartedly. This may be me projecting, but there's something about 'oh, he's getting fucked in front of a room full of people who all showed up expecting this' that is kind of 'eh, whatever, it doesn't count.' As opposed to 'no, they're actually doing this in the parking lot/against the window in broad daylight/on a bus', where nobody is expecting it and the threat, and thus the thrill, is real.
With you, as well, on the idea that it would really affect him badly that he's into this. Sam second-guesses himself at the best of times, even while he's adamant that he be allowed to do what he thinks is right for him to do, and anything that compounds his idea of himself as a freak will be yet another thing for him to be concerned about. Especially if this were something he were secretly doing at Stanford (doing porn that wound up on the Internet, as a mild example; doing hardcore exhibitionist porn that wound up on the Internet, as a slightly more extreme option) without the knowledge of the person whose opinion really matters (Dean, obviously).
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branchandroot
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Date: 2012-03-26 12:00 am (UTC)With you, as well, on the idea that it would really affect him badly that he's into this. Sam second-guesses himself at the best of times, even while he's adamant that he be allowed to do what he thinks is right for him to do, and anything that compounds his idea of himself as a freak will be yet another thing for him to be concerned about. Especially if this were something he were secretly doing at Stanford (doing porn that wound up on the Internet, as a mild example; doing hardcore exhibitionist porn that wound up on the Internet, as a slightly more extreme option) without the knowledge of the person whose opinion really matters (Dean, obviously).